The truth about life as an incontinent parent

Parenthood is undoubtedly one of life's most incredible adventures, filled with joy, laughter, sleepless nights, sleepless nights, and sleepless nights. Now, imagine you’re juggling the usual demands of being a parent, but you chuck in the added challenge of experiencing incontinence. It’s not easy. 

We’ve reached out to some of our readers to get their stories and share the challenges and joys they face as parents with incontinence. 

Dr. Kristal Lau is a Postpartum Wellness Consultant and mother of two. She experienced bladder weakness during her pregnancy and after giving birth. She still occasionally gets leakage years later. 

“During my second pregnancy, I had one full urinary incontinence episode after sneezing while carrying my toddler and cooking. I had to carry her while cooking because she was having a meltdown and lunch also had to be served. I'd leak urine when performing heavier housework while pregnant like carrying laundry, vacuuming, and mopping the floor. I'd have to do many of these while wearing my toddler because she needed me. Even taking our dogs out caused some leakage because I had to brace while walking them and the increased abdominal pressure made my urine leak.

It was highly embarrassing and I worry to this day (my youngest is two years old now, my eldest is four) that I may have another incontinence episode from sneezing and that I smell like wee. Oh, I always worry that I smell of wee because of the risk of urinary leakage even when I'm on good stretches of not having any leakage. I continue to do my pelvic floor exercises but when I don't keep it up because I don't have the time or energy for it, I notice that the urinary leakage returns. 

So, I wear pads or panty liners on days that I feel insecure or when I'm taking the kids to the park and will be doing lots of play or activities with them. If I feel really self-conscious on a particular day, I don't play with them as much because I don't want to risk a urinary leakage. It's highly disruptive to my self-esteem, how I want to show up for my kids and participate with them and do things I used to love without worrying about the risk of peeing myself in public or smelling like it all the time.”

A common theme among parents experiencing incontinence is the use of pelvic floor exercises to help manage the situation. Pelvic floor exercises are a tried and true method for managing symptoms of incontinence and when performed regularly, are proven to work. 

If you have 10 minutes to spare, why not learn some pelvic floor exercises that you can perform at home? Simply click the YouTube link below, sit back, relax, and possibly learn some stuff that could change your life. Or if you'd rather, keep scrolling for more stories. 

Leyla Preston is the Founder & Editor over at Motherhood Diaries, a mother of four, and has been experiencing stress incontinence for a while now:

“I have four kids, the last two of which were vaginal births (one assisted, one unassisted) which left me with a very weak pelvic floor. I had stress incontinence which meant that if I needed to go desperately, I wasn't able to control it coming out. Through the last two years of exercise, it has gotten much better but for those two years, it was incredibly embarrassing. 

My daughter was at nursery at the time (with my older two at high school and primary school) and I would often take my baby out to playgroups. But there came a time when I stopped taking her, if there wasn't a toilet nearby and I would try go to the toilet twice before we left in case I would need to go when we were out. I drank less which meant I was normally dehydrated and then I figured enough is enough.

I've written about how to strengthen your pelvic floor after birth here, but I think so many of us suffer in silence. It shouldn't be a taboo subject, even though it is! It's common but it's not normal, so if we're struggling with bladder weakness/incontinence, we should take the steps to strengthen our pelvic floor. I have always been very ignorant of this until it was too late. Now, I try to strengthen my pelvic floor in the car or when I'm sitting. Whatever it takes!”

It’s really important to understand that as someone experiencing incontinence, you’re not alone. There are millions of people out there facing the same incontinence/parental challenges. Whilst this doesn’t make it better, I hope that it does bring a degree of comfort. It’s on all of us to talk about leakage more, normalise it, and bring it to the forefront of the conversation. 

“My bladder leaks started off mild, perhaps on an occasional sneeze. In fact I didn’t even think much of it except that I should cross my legs. But because I did nothing, and no one – not a single soul, told me I was supposed to do pelvic floor exercises, so I didn’t do them. I did go to physical therapy – but only once or twice, because how can you get childcare constantly just for an appointment? And it wasn’t pleasant.

I did have a big baby at 9.5 lbs. And then later after having 13 lbs of twins it progressed much more rapidly. I remember when my boys were toddlers and running around, and I realized I couldn’t run around with them without leaking.

Unfortunately, it got to the point where I wouldn’t play football with them, I just watched. At least they had each other to play with. Thankfully, after using a variety of incontinence products I don’t have to worry about that anymore! I’m the one out there going on runs now.”

Parenting already involves a ridiculous amount of planning. A quick trip to the shops doesn’t exist. Then chuck incontinence into the mix and you’re looking at a full-scale military operation. Always be prepared with a fresh stock of pads/pants/nappies that you can change if you experience a leak. There are discreet pads out there that will fit snugly in your bag, so you can keep extra room for the cuddly toy that simply has to go everywhere for some reason.

In the whirlwind of parenting, constantly thinking about other people, it's easy to neglect self-care. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is essential, especially when dealing with incontinence. If you can, try to find some time in the day to focus on pelvic floor exercises. 15 minutes to yourself to get some pelvic floor exercises in will benefit you in the long run. If you can’t get a moment's peace and quiet: Kegel’ing is one you can do on the move, sat down, stood up or changing a nappy.

There are so many options out there. When walking into the supermarket aisle, it can be an overwhelming and often quite daunting experience. When my wife had to buy pads for the first time, we found ourselves just staring blankly at all of these different boxes, with marketing terms and all kinds of absorbency levels, totally confused. 

We found it much easier to shop online, with all of the information right there to read. With brands like Vivactive, you can also get your hands on premium products at a fraction of the cost of what you find in the supermarkets.